Monday, August 23, 2010

Mentalog #1 - Depression

Depression can be a very debilitating thing. It can be horrid, block focus, cause a loss of appetite, and even suicidal thoughts.

Wikipedia on Depression:

Depression is a state of low mood and aversion to activity. Depressed persons may feel sad, anxious, empty, hopeless, helpless, worthless, guilty, irritable or restless. They may lose interest in activities that once were pleasurable, experience loss of appetite or overeating, or problems concentrating, remembering details or making decisions; and may contemplate or attempt suicide. Insomnia, waking early, excessive sleeping, fatigue, loss of energy, or aches, pains or digestive problems that are resistant to treatment may be present.


I know many people that have depression, including myself. I suffer from a type of depression called Unipolar Depression, or Major Depressive Disorder (MDD).

Wikipedia on MDD:

Major depressive disorder (also known as recurrent depressive disorder, clinical depression, major depression, unipolar depression, or unipolar disorder) is a mental disorder characterized by an all-encompassing low mood accompanied by low self-esteem, and by loss of interest or pleasure in normally enjoyable activities. The term "major depressive disorder" was selected by the American Psychiatric Association to designate this symptom cluster as a mood disorder in the 1980 version of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-III), and has become widely used since. The general term depression is often used to denote the disorder; but as it can also be used in reference to other types of psychological depression, it is disfavored over more precise terminology for the disorder in clinical and research use. Major depression is a disabling condition which adversely affects a person's family, work or school life, sleeping and eating habits, and general health. In the United States, around 3.4% of people with major depression commit suicide, and up to 60% of people who commit suicide had depression or another mood disorder.


It can be very distracting, and some days can be worse than others. In my personal experience, it is hard to live with, and even harder to manage.

I wake up each morning feeling down in mood. I feel anxious, and like getting out of bed is not worth it. Each morning I have to force myself out of bed, take my pills, wash, et cetera. As the days go on, anti-depressants only help so much, but keep me sane. While my mood is neutral, it is still extremely hard to concentrate which makes working, schooling, and doing chores horrible experiences.

Every now and then, I can (and do) get suicidal thoughts. It's not as easy as getting therapy; my condition is mostly chemical, and I have a suicidal bout once a month or so for a few hours, to a few days.

I've lived with MDD since I was around 12, which makes it around 8 years. I've learned many skills to help me cope with and manage my depression. I had to mature much faster than many of my friends, and use certain crutches just to make it through the day.

While I hate this depression, it has also taught me alot about myself. It has made me stronger in many ways... And for that I thank it. But that's about the only optimism I can strain from is dirty, grubby vice-grip on my brain.


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References:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Unipolar_depression
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Depression_(mood)

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